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Mar. 11th, 2011 | 12:43 am

If only I were a bit more understood, then it would all make perfect sense. 

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For the love of music

Jul. 19th, 2009 | 08:01 pm
mood: boredbored
music: brazilian girls

July 25th-  Blazed and Confused  (Slightly Stoopid, Snoop Dogg, Mickey Avalon, Stephen Marley)
August 8th- Hard Summer (Crookers, Crystal Castles, Chromeo, Underworld, Bloody Beetroots)
August 21st- Kings of Leon
August 28th/29th- Street Scene (M.I.A., Thievery Corporation, Modest Mouse, Silversun Pickups, Band Of Horses)
September 16th- Blink 182
October 4th- Love Fest...or "Love Evolution"
October 16th/17th- Treasure Island Music Festival (Girl Talk, MSTKRFT, MGMT, Passion Pit)
October 31st- Hard Haunted

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Oct. 25th, 2008 | 12:37 am
music: This will destroy you

All I want is a Capri cigareeete, some xanax, vicodin, hydrocodin, numerous handles of alcohol, OUNCES of weed, basically anything that willl make me forget.
Last night was fucked.
I should have prolly gone to the hospital today.
It is awkward benig around my parents.

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In time only you can define your life, it's yours.

Oct. 21st, 2008 | 11:59 am
music: Sigur Ros- untitled 4

Aqueous Transmission-Incubus: Andrew and Angie at Tilden during the summer. It was a rare summer night where the fog was slowly creeping over grizzly peak. We were smoking a blunt listening to this song as the fog was rising in fornt of us...it was like a field of fog was laid in front ot us and all we could see were the distant city lights. This was a moment I will forever remember.

Run-Snow Patrol: Constantly played on repeat my Junior year of High School.It marked the night the "crew" said our final goodbyes to eachother as the boys were now leaving for college. At the same time it marked the end of my cocain addiction. The song symoblized several endings, but from every ending comes a new beginning.

Annie-Slowdance: A whirwind of moments from my summer before Sophmore year. This song was literally on repeat every single day, this phase of my life was full of anger and resentment to everythign around me. I drank to the point of blacking out every single night and deprived my body of any food. This song makes me cringe every time I listen to it, since it has the ability to resurface painful memories that have no way of being forgotten.

Everything I once Had- The Honorary Title: Second semester Sophmore year. I had just gotten my license and The Honorary Title was one of the only CD's I had in my car. The song symbolizes everything I actually had lost in those months. I had lost the only person I have ever loved to prescription pills and coke. I had lost all respect and trust my parents ever had for me. I had lost the friends that actually mattered and cared. I missed weeks of school due to withdrawls and was whisked away by my parents to stay in Tahoe, where they finally confronted me about my drug problem and my weight loss. I still to this day have NO idea how I pulled myself through this.

The entire Write to Remember CD: The end of summer before Sophmore year. Daniel Sloven, one of the only best guy friendss I have ever had. He was the person who pulled me up every time I fell, which was all the time, and coaxed me into believing I was worth more than I thought. In a sense he was my hope.

We Own the Sky- M83: Angie and I driving on an endless road. This last summer....everything.......I miss Angelina, she truely was a sister to me. We became stoners this summer together and would turn on this song and melt into a world of imagination.

I dont knnow why I am doing this, most likely so i can dissolve away from the my present like that I hate.

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And the Ripped Ones say goodbye

Aug. 19th, 2008 | 09:07 pm
music: pinback

I feel like I'am being swallowed hole by everything I have encountered the past two days. My expectations for the future or what is now the present have dropped tremendously and I still can't figure out where I went wrong. After the past six years I have taught myself to despise goodbye's for obvious emotional reasons but nothing could beat the lonlieness and seperation anxiety I am facing right now. I miss every person, even clay. I try so hard to put on a strong front so people dont see me as weak, yet, everytime I'am alone I am forced to evaulate everything...absolutley everything...and its tearing me apart.Literally. 
How the fuck am I supposed to make it here?

Break the bed, burn the floor
Head to head, twisted, sore
Accident, never warned
Can't explain, nevermore

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I wave my freak flag proud

Jun. 18th, 2008 | 01:17 am
music: breathe carolina

I graduated  5 days ago or something, I dont feel any different.
The Federation came to grad night which was pretty legit.
I got back from orientation in arizona tonight...such a thrilling/overwhelming experience.
I got my schedule and just want to move into coronado right now and get it over with.
I had never seen so many perfect looking girls in my life, it scared the shit out of me.
I have developed a shopping addiction I can't kick...it's going to make me broke pretty fuckign soon.
I have never been so fucking complacent with my life! this feels so good.
My surgery is in less than a month, July 9th will change my life forever.

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Take this sadness and close your eyes.

Jun. 8th, 2008 | 11:33 pm
music: M.I.A.

A.  Adderall/AlcoholPoisoing/Arressted
B. Booze/Boyfriends/Blackouts
C. Cocain Addiction/Car Accidents/Cigarettes
D. Drama/Death/Depression/DBAG
E. Eating disorder/Emotional Breakdowns
F. Fuck up/Friends/Fights
G. Guys/Growth/GabyE.
H. Hatred/Hook up's/Hole in the Wall/Hilly
I. Ignorance
J. Jake/JFO/Jon
K. Kyle/KellyS.
L. Love/Lust/Loss
M. <Music3/Mental Healthdays/Maturity
N. Numbness
O.Oakwood/Older guys
P. Prescription Drugs/Police/Piercings/Photography
Q. Quitting
R. Razor/Rape/Rumors
S. Suspension/Scars/ S/O's/Stress/Shoplifting/San Deigo
T. Tattoo's/Throwing up/Therapy/Thiz/Tilden
U. Used
V. Vicodin/Valium/Vacations
W. Wasted Nights/Work/Weed
X. Xanax
Y. Youth
Z. Zona

My highschool experience.

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We own the sky

Jun. 1st, 2008 | 01:26 am
mood: awakeawake

it's Saturday night....actually Sunday morning to be more percise...I have no idea what I am doing. All i know is that ive been sipping onsmirnoff and absolute ofr about a  couple hours. I hung out iwht my ex for the first time in two years last night, it was okay,..miss that kid. My other ex is getting more and more fucked up...more and more into drugs, he wont talk to me but i want more than anything to help him. Im pretty fucked up................akjhdasrhufdnk I JUST WANNA SPILL MY GUTS AND HAVE EVERYONE REALIZE NOTHINGS PERFECCCCCCCCCT this is rediculous.  JJJJJJUST FADE IN. its better to burn out then fade away. right? WHO THE UFCK KNOWS. im just worried, hungry, anxious and everything ele inbetween.

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Just let it all down.

Feb. 26th, 2008 | 10:22 pm
mood: blankblank
music: Lucero

I feel empty.

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(no subject)

Nov. 22nd, 2007 | 09:50 pm

 My mom asked me if I was on drugs
I said no
I was lying


A. Move in with Jessica

B. Go to Arizona

C. San Diego


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